Love can be difficult to define as there are many lenses through which it’s observed. Some see love as a tender, passionate affection for another person. Others consider love to be a sense of desire or warm personal attachment. Different still is the belief that love is a great interest or pleasure, someone or something you like or enjoy very much. Whatever your interpretation of love, one truth remains evident. Love may be conditional or unconditional in nature. Most of us prefer to think our love is unconditional. After all, we’ve been socialized to believe that’s what we are “supposed” to do. But loving without condition is a rare event that inherently requires personal suffering and sacrifice of our expectations and agendas in service of the greater whole. It is a selfless act.
Trust is about the reliability, strength and credibility of a relationship. A relationship is trustworthy when it reflects loyalty, honesty, consistency, empathy and safety. Perhaps you’ve felt an attachment or interest in someone who was also dishonest, inconsistent, unsafe or generally untrustworthy. You loved them, but you didn’t trust them. This type of situation breeds confusion and problematic dynamics that call for the establishment of healthy boundaries. How can I continue to love someone while lacking trust in them?
Pretend you own a poisonous snake for a pet. Does your procedure of care for the snake vary from the methods you employ while caring for your fluffy puppy? The snake is kept in a tightly sealed aquarium, and you exercise caution when approaching it for feeding or interaction. This doesn’t imply a lack of love for the snake, but your choices of interaction require thoughtful planning and prudent execution. You can love someone while also protecting yourself from the harm of their choices. Consider the amount of physical, mental and emotional distance you require to allow for adequate self-protection. Protecting yourself in a balanced, healthy way enables you to love more freely, dropping self-defeating defenses and disengaging the cycle of hurt.
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